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November 7, 2005

{     Municipal Waste "Hazardous Mutation"     }    

Municipal Waste 96 DPI.jpg

I found the coolest thing in Jersey City a while back. There was this old bodega near the Journal Square Path Station that had a bunch of dusty old wax pack trading cards. They were in an abandoned bin near the entrance. Hearing some ancestral prospectors call deep in my heart I dove in looking for gold. I was shuffling through the Donruss and Upper Deck baseball cards from 1988-92 when I came across these Garbage Pail Kids knockoffs called "Rad Dudes Trading Cards". I was psyched immediately buying them all up.

When I got them back to my apartment I opened the dusty wax wrappings to find in garish limes, yellows, oranges, and blues blissfully poor renderings that depicted characters in the midst of goofy bunglings with remote control airplanes, frog dissection kits, over stuffed lockers, tangled volleyball nets and a variety of extreme sports. They were heavily outlined in black and lacked any sense of dimension. With stupidly unclever names like Spikin' Spencer, Awesome Volleyball Val, Messy Marty, Boom Box Brian, and Cherry Bomb Dudes they were everything The Church of the Subgeniuses Reverend Ivan Stang writes about Bulldada: in short they were so bad they were good.

Just as I was about to open the last pack though I noticed some smoke coming from a few of the cards. They were vibrating too. Astonished I watched 4 of them hatch like weird 2 dimensional space eggs. Out from bubbling blue goop came 4 Rad Dudes in the flesh!

I thought I had been trapped in some kind of "Garbage Pail Kids Movie" hell dimension. They wiped as much of the goop off their torn jeans jackets, tiered sideburn mullet haircuts, and white Reebok high tops as they could while spitting and cursing things about "The Thrashin' of the Christ" how they were "Guilty of Being Tight" and other nonsense. Then they all rejoiced for a second, introduced themselves as Land Phil, Ryan Waste, Tony Foresta, and Dave Witte and in unison while playing air guitar like Bill and Ted screamed the following:

"We are the speed metal punks! Pushed to the limit too much! We're the unstoppable force! And now it's time to erupt! We are the army of drunks! Our weapons are set to destruct! We've come to punish all foes! Now it's time to erupt!"

Then they beat the shit out of me, ate all my food and disappeared. Bewildered, I decided to keep it to myself. I cleaned up the apartment before my roommates got home and got rid of the rest of the cards should they decide to hatch as well.

It's been 5 years since that incident and I mention it here only because the most amazing thing has happened. They've reappeared, they have a band now and it's called Municipal Waste. They're on Earache Records and their full length "Hazardous Mutation" just came out. And the weirdest thing is the bullshit they were chanting to me are the lyrics to "Set to Destruct" one of the better songs off this new album.

I can't believe a bunch of stupid trading cards know how to produce such genuinely amazing old school thrash. And what's more they're on one of this fall's best metal tours with Converge, Darkest Hour, and The Red Chord. If you can see them do but beware these trading cards are seriously sick with their fists. Check out more in-depth reviews and Earache's web pages for them below.

     » The video for "Unleash the Bastards"
     » Lambgoat Review
     » Maximum Metal Review
     » Buy from Earache Records


Best METAL font ever!!!

Posted by: Adam at November 7, 2005 7:10 PM

Yea these Trading Card dudes don't mess around.

Posted by: Aaron at November 7, 2005 9:20 PM
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