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October 18, 2004

{     Team America: World Police     }    

"America! Fuck yeah!" These are dangerous times we live in. Global tension rises. The threat of terrorism is always lurking, like a shadow creeping down the next dark alley ready to snatch the purse from the shoulders of the free nations of the world. The smoking gun, they say, will come in the form of a mushroom cloud. WMDs, or "Weapons of Mass Destruction" as we used to call them back when we had the time to linger over such grim thoughts, when they were little more than a fantasy and not frantically being swapped about by foreign despots in countries with names so filled with consonants as to make them nigh-unpronounceable to Western tongues. Times like these call for heroes to stand up and fight for what is truly good and right. Times like these call for Team America. From their secret base hidden deep within Mount Rushmore Team America monitors the world for outbreaks of terrorism and stops them by whatever means necessary. Deadly times require deadly measures, and Team America has some of the deadliest. Did I mention that Team America are puppets? I'm pretty sure I did, but when I start to think about some filthy, ungodly terrorist shaking his WMD-laden fist at one of my (as-yet-unborn) children my memory gets a little hazy. Just imagining that dirty, unshaven lunatic shrilly calling out in his bizarre dirt-language makes my blood boil. So, as I was saying, Team America: World Police fly all over the world dishing out justice -- American justice -- to those who would do us and our freedom-loving harm. American justice involves lots of really big explosions and little regard for bystanding civilians or landmarks. You know, just like our forefathers imagined it back when they wrote that bitchin' Declaration of Independence. I mean, they weren't going to take no shit from nobody, no matter how kingly the opposition might be. Naturally, this sort of justice doesn't sit so well with some of the less barrel-chested and trigger happy folks. Solving terrorism with heavy ordinance causes more harm than good, they argue. We should love and respect each and every one of this planet's wonderful creatures and people. Problems can be solved with words, and hybrid cars, and recycling. See, it all boils down to this one rule: There are three sorts of people in this world. You've got your dicks, your pussies, and your assholes. I'd explain it here, but I think you'd get a better understanding if you watched the movie. Team America: World Police is the latest sweaty brainchild of Trey Parker and Matt Stone, whom you probably know as the creators of South Park. In this movie, which was in fact made entirely with marionettes much like the "Supermarionation": of such shows as Thunderbirds and Indestructible Captain Scarlett, Parker and Stone take a swing at the climate of fear and end up hitting folks on both sides. The bombastic exploits of Team America are ridiculous, true, but equally ridiculous are the arguments of the bleeding-heart actors organized against them. Team America: World Police pokes equal helpings of fun at both the right-wing warmongers as it does the left-wing peaceniks. It's also one of the most hilarious parodies of all those Michael Bay/Jerry Bruckheimer explosionfests that seem to rake in so much cash seemingly in the face of the very ideas of taste or competent story. Stuff blows up real good in Team America: World Police, and the time filling those lulls in pyrotechnics are crammed full of schmaltzy fluff like dark pasts and love triangles and stirring country songs. What's really notable about Team America: World Police, aside from the explicit puppet sex and the gleeful overabundance of cursing and the wanton violence, is the message of the picture. That message is the American people, by and large, are not angry zealots on one side of the partisan fence or the other. That in these times of crass denouncements from one side of the political spectrum to the other there is still room for a middle ground. A crude, swearing, violent middle ground. Oh, and Jesus Titttyfucking Christ! Those attack panthers of Kim Jong Il. They're worth the price of admission alone!

     » Official movie site


Freedom isn't free, No there's a hefty fucking fee....

Posted by: Koby Teith at October 18, 2004 3:07 PM
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