August 15, 2004

{     Itsus Church Key Belt Buckle     }    

I have never, ever, ever, ever, never paid more than $5 for a belt buckle. It's just one of those things that I've never seen as something worthy of dropping a bunch of change on. I mean, it keeps your pants up, that's it, and even the belt itself does most the work there. Plus, I don't think I've tucked my shirt in for about 3 years, so it's not like anybody would see it anyway, well, unless it's my girlfriend, or your mom. You see, I'd rather spend my money on useful things, like CDs, t-shirts, tropical fish, paper plates, and beer.

However, Itsus Clothing has gone and made me a belt buckle that actually makes itself useful for more than keeping up my pants and whipping your moms, it's a beer bottle opener! A hardcore church key that I'll always have on me. Imagine the looks at the next BBQ when I lift my shirt and *cling-ka-shhhhhh*, suds are served! I guess it could open other bottles too, like Jones Soda or holy water (do they bottle that?), but whatever, we all know what I'm talking about here.

My favorite thing is that they don't forget what a bottle opener is really called, and that's a church key. Why is it called a church key? Because old churches needed big-ass keys, and they resembled big old bottle openers. Plus, it's funny because you can't drink in church, right? Well, besides wine I guess, but you need a corkscrew for that, and I ain't puttin' that shit down there.