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December 30, 2003

{     Transformers UNICRON Action Figure     }    

The 80's brought us many wonderful things, but none perhaps more spectacular than the Transformers phenomenon. Okay, there was that whole "fall of the Berlin Wall" thing and I guess the Smiths put out some pretty good records, but in the universe of 80's kid's toys the Transformers reigned supreme. The 1986 animated feature Transformers: The Movie was the series' swan song. We saw the death of several long-standing characters and the introduction of the most powerful Transformer ever- Unicron. Taking either the form of a giant planet devouring moon or a mile-high robot, Unicron was pure evil and wanted only to consume and control every particle of energy in the universe. Voiced by the late Orson Welles, Unicron was an imposing figure who could only be defeated by the combined efforts of Autobots and Decepticons. The movie left thousands drooling for a toy based on Unicron, but the cost of production and a decline in the popularity of the toy and cartoon line kept it from becoming a reality. Until now. 17 years later, Unicron has been ressurrected. Weighing in at a hefty six pounds and standing 16 inches tall, Unicron is one of the largest Transformers ever to be produced. Taking him out of the box, I got the distinct feeling that whoever wrote the character back into the storyline for the new (albeit quite shitty) Transformers cartoon did so solely for the purposes of unleashing this monstrosity in action-figure form. Full of hidden compartments ( I estimate that you could stash 1.5 ozs of your favorite herbal remedy in his various hiding spots) and including a red light-up fist and eyes, he also has several missles that launch from his legs and chest. 20 minutes of twisting and turning will get him into planetoid form, a melon-sized ball with bio-mechanical rings around it and a chompy mouth so you can simulate his planet-munching action. (Waitaminit- glowing red-eyes, insatiable appetite- maybe this guy just got ahold of some Cybertronian chronic?) Whether you're an old-school fan trying to reclaim your childhood or a fan of giant robots in general, there's not a more substantial way to satisfy your needs than this massive hunk of transforming love. He even comes with a little mini-robot to pal around with. (If you're the kind of nerd who can appreciate this review, than that means he has one more friend than you do.)

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We got Unicron for my friend's son's birthday, and it took two adults two days to fully comprehend that motherfucker. Have you tried the Optimus Prime? The rubix cube is mathematically easier.
In any case, make sure you have a handful of clonazepam handy.

Posted by: BCDrofsnul at January 7, 2004 1:54 AM
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