May 01, 2006

{     Altoids Sour Chewing Gum: Cherry     }    

The sour candy movement, while no means a monument of great taste, has long appealed to me. I like a little bite in my sweets from time to time. More importantly, the playground braggadocio these candies afford speaks directly to my inner third-grader. While I may no longer be popping Warheads I still like a little lip-pursing treat every once in a while.

Altoids Sour Chewing Gum is not a treat by any stretch of the imagination. Bitter, medicinal, and chemical tasting this horrid gum requires true determination to chew. Yet, the initial burst of acrid foulness is not the end. This little time bomb has another gruesome secret.

The intrepid chewer, having become inured to the flavor, will find that in a few minutes this gum in fact ceases to be gum. I don’t think it even qualifies as food. It turns from a marginally pleasant and chewable gum-like product into a foul, gritty paste. The texture and taste is something like a cross between toothpaste and glue that coats the surface of your tongue in off-white foam and cannot be spit out without great effort. Stay away. Stay very far away from Altoids Sour Chewing Gum. Please.