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February 1, 2007

{     untitledThe Fray "How To Save A Life"     }    

B000AA301G.01._AA240_SCLZZZZZZZ_V62946748_.jpg I gave this CD to my Mom. She thought it was okay. . .

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By Shane | Music   

{     untitledThe Fray "How To Save A Life"     }    

B000AA301G.01._AA240_SCLZZZZZZZ_V62946748_.jpg I gave this CD to my Mom. She thought it was okay. . .

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By Shane | Music   

September 16, 2006

{     untitledChicks on Speed - It's a Project     }    

http://www.crowndozen.com/dc/archives/upload/2006/09/ChicksProject-thumb.jpgYou probably have heard the music, you may have seen the videos. What I hope you have not seen is the clothing line. For Chicks On Speed, "clothing line" is not the female equivalent of Pharrel's Billionaire Something venture(bad idea. And I am not the only one to think it that way), nor it is similar to the small collection clearly designed not by her but by professionists and sold online by Gwen Stephani (interesting: her CDs sell for 10$ and her clothes can be priced for more than 300$?), and does not even resembles the collaboration with corporation with worldwide distribution H&M, as Madonna (more about this later, yes?). No, their "clothing line" definitely deserve brackets since it is not a "line" at all: aside for the usual tour t-shirts, they make clothes meaning they saw everything themselves and the copies produced are probably less than 10. And until here everything would be cool. Unless you were actually to look at the clothes produced. Ever seen the video for Wordy Rappinghood? Or for We Don't Play Guitars? Chicks on Speed appears like that in my worst nightmares, like the Erinyes coming to punish me for constantly leaving my sister under the snow in my dreams when I was a toddler. And they are wearing their "clothes". If you have not seen either videos (lucky you!), I will just mention there is a lot of fluo ribbon, glow in the dark stuff, mixed with fake newspaper print. And put together like not even hurricane Katrina could do... They do not look like clothes at all: truly scary as a whole. And yet... C.O.S. are convinced to be doing high fashion: one of their singles was indeed titled Fashion Rules, and if seeing these "clothes" on video was not enough for a lifetime, they actually went on and sold an entire line online (from their own site). And honestly, for me this is has become the proof that you can be totaly talentless even if you study art in Munich.

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August 28, 2006

{     untitledCindi Lauper for Trivial Pursuit     }    

http://www.crowndozen.com/dc/archives/upload/2006/08/trivial80s-thumb.jpgSince this retro-mania started, we had to swallow up lots of shit, from having to wear dust smelling clothes out of our mother's chest of drawers (it has not been hidden away in the basement for 30 years by mistake...), to having to worship anything branded 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s and even 90s as fashionable. And this despite just before this insane trend started, we were all laughing away at how bad some of this decades were: how ridiculous the hairdoes in the 80s, how unimmaginative the minimalism of the early 90s, how laughable most of the music produced in those times (just recently, visiting a Keithe Haring exhibition, the gallery distributed for download all the music that inspired Haring: unbelievable how pathetic and dated it was, when compared to the very contemporary appeal of the artwork). And now, the icons of those years, taken out of their coffins, dusted and polished, are again considered stars. Even if probably what interest us is how dramatic their decades away from the spotlights have been, submerged in their millions, more than their actual personality. As for everything, everybody is trying to cash in on retromania. And what can be best than creating trivia games to learn all about our recent golden eras? Trivial Puruit itself has invested time and money in a 90s Edition and in the more glamourous Totally 80s, this one being the topic of this post. Because Trivial Pursuit Totally 80s has more to it than a dec of cards. They have called in a bunch of third line 80s icons to star on this marvel. And a real 80s star, Cindi Lauper, now 53, (to recycle herself) to direct them all in the commercial for the game.

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August 23, 2006

{     untitledMario Rap Kid.     }    

I think the only reason I hated this as much as I did is I was expecting so much more. First he crotch teases me with the "Let me get weddy" and then he cuts to his fly Nintendo goods, THEN after he's got me I'm all chunky, down there, nothing.  A choppy unintelligible Mario rap?   (slide whistle sound effect backwards).  What a disappointment, this is nowhere near the quality that I've come to expect from watching four days straight of Ghost Ride The Whip videos on YouTube!

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August 16, 2006

{     untitledPretty Ricky -- Happy Birthday to Our Most Popular Drown Ever     }    

I want to thank God and almighty Jesus for giving this Drown the strength to survive an entire year. Big props to all the re-res who kept it alive, posting their insane barely-understandishable ramblings month after month. And the biggest thanks of all go out to the boys in Pretty Ricky for keeping it real. Real gay. Really really fagtastic, in fact. Good job fellas, you fucking suck. Boy-band cRunk&B pantywastes Pretty Ricky would love to be the next New Edition or Boyz II Men, but they come off more like a thugged-out third-rate Backstreet Boys. Their lukewarm hit "Grind With Me" is the kind of throwaway slow-jam that makes Usher look tough, and with a name like Pretty Ricky the whole thing just gives off this post-prison down-low hook-up vibe. If their name alone isn't geigh enough for you, check-out the roll-call: Slick 'Em, Baby Blue, Spectacular, and Pleasure. Printed in any other context, you'd likely assume I were talking about a line of specially scented anal-sex lube or maybe running down a list of potential candidates auditioning for the Nine Inch Males dance troupe.

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By Adam   

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